TRUMBULL, CT – Vijay Verma, 34, believes that his parents had sex only to conceive him. He has come to this conclusion after noticing that their relationship lacks physical affection, and that their bedroom door is never closed.
“I first started getting suspicious when I was 10. I had started to go on playdates with non-Indian friends,” said Mr. Verma, an art teacher at Trumbull High School. “In their family pictures, there was always one or two where their parents had their arms around each other or were holding hands. When my parents take a picture together, they make sure there’s at least a two inch gap between them. They put on these false smiles like Hillary Clinton. They look like they’re getting passport photos taken.”
His mom, Sumitra Verma, disagrees. “How could he be here if we did not have our ways? You see, this is what happens when you take too long to get married. He needs to find a suitable girl and start a family. All the good girls are gone already. Just last year we went to India and found a lovely girl and he refused to even meet her. He has NO idea how embarrassing that was for us, that foolish boy.”
His father, Anand Verma, declined to be interviewed but made a statement through Mrs. Verma: “My husband knew what he was doing, that much I can tell you.”
Mr. Verma believes that single statement is proof that his hypothesis is real. “Knew what he was doing? That sounds like they did it exactly one time – and were surprised that he knocked her up. Or maybe they were relieved. Frankly, it’s a miracle I’m even here.”