NEW DELHI, INDIA – Successful stand-up comedian Russell Peters was denied entrance to India for not being Indian enough. This was in strict pursuance of the Bureau of Immigration’s new policy on what makes someone Indian enough.
Said the sponsor of the legislation, Vikram Lollipopwala (BJP), “We have had our eye on Mr. Peters for many years. Many people learn what it is to be Indian from him – but he has been spreading false truths. We decided that there should be strict standards on what makes someone Indian enough. And these standards will apply to anyone trying to enter Bharat who looks even the least bit Indian.”
In Mr. Peter’s case, he ran afoul of Rule #17: Thou shalt know what fatafat means. “We have video evidence of Mr. Peters clearly stating that he did not know what fatafat means,” continued Mr. Lollipopwala. “Any self-respecting Indian knows exactly what fatafat means. It refers to the sound that firecrackers make. A true Indian would learn this during Diwali or while speaking with relatives. This is something you must be Indian to know.”
A representative for Mr. Peters said that he was not available for comment.
The new policy has resulted in longer lines in all major Indian airports but Indira Gandhi International Airport (New Delhi) and Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport (Mumbai) have been hit particularly hard. There have also been reports of Caucasian visitors being denied entrance to India for pronouncing Namaste a little too well.